Articles

'What's the big deal? It happens everywhere, so why should we prevent it?' I've heard this time and time again… let's be a bit realistic.

Don't you agree with me, as Muslims we should make a sincere effort to follow the example of our beloved Prophet, may Allah praise him?

Did he ever endorse open mixing between men and women in the Madinan society? The least anyone can say is 'he could have, but he didn't.'

Read more: Gender Mixing at Islamic Events

Introduction

'I want to get married, but how?', 'If we can't see a potential partner at Islamic events, then when?', 'Imported Eastern solutions don't work here in the West'. These are some of the arguments that we tend to hear from our youth, time and time again. Depending on whose perspective you are viewing the problem from, it may be a big deal or no problem at all!

Due to the fact that we are living here in the West, where the Fitnah is so rampant and awaiting you at every turn, a viable solution has to be offered to our youth. So many of our youth have taken things into their own hands and turned to the Haram because they cannot control their desires, which every so often turns up a notch. In this article I am not going to simply offer an 'Eastern solution'. Mind you, I was born, raised and completed my high school here in Canada, so I know the problems that our youth face.

Read more: How do I get Married? - Part 1

Fourth of all, fixing your mindset... Many a time, we ourselves contribute to the problem without even knowing it. If I may say, we tend to create an artificial crisis, 'I can't find any woman, I think I'm gonna commit Zina!' Hold that thought… is this for real? You couldn't find a single sister? Or are you aiming to get that sister with the actress like looks?

Brothers, we gotta be realistic… I mean come on, why make it so hard? Honestly, I've come across a number of brothers who have had chance after chance to get married to very good sisters in the local area, but they didn't! Now the problem here doesn't go back to the lack of sisters in the community, mashallah, there are many of them. The problems stems back to the mindset of the brother. He wants someone very specific… at times, this 'pickiness' may stem back to his shaky confidence on the whole issue of marriage… 'am I really ready to be "locked down"? Do I really want to commit? I think I am too young! '

Read more: How do I get Married? - Part 2

In the previous two parts I talked more on the men's side of things… now I want to mention a few things that pertain to the sister's side of things.

Seventh of all, Yo sis, get off your high horse! Many sisters tend to search for that perfect prince, who will sweep them off their feet! Like men, women do have a number of preferences… the important thing is that both brothers and sisters, be a bit realistic. Some sisters may say, 'I want nothing… I want to live like the Sahabah,' I mean like Mashallah! But when the sister sees that cramped studio apartment, 'all Hell breaks loose' so to say! On the other extreme, some sisters get so messed up by their parents, friends and relatives that the 'husband to be' has to be a 'blank check'. You may even hear, 'I want a good aged, handsome husband (like a Hollywood actor) who is rich, has a superb job and will give me 1000 dollars a month for spending.'

Read more: How do I get Married? - Part 3